time for reflection

today was just another typical Saturday. kids woke by 715, only unlike yesterday i awoke to C.J. busting down my door yelling "mom!! mom!! help!! Kalayah is stuck in her bed". so whats a mom to do? bolt out of bed and as im rounding the corner into their room, what do i do? bump into Kalayah herself!! now how or what he was talking about i have no idea, all i could do was imagine what the rest of the day would be like... much to my pleasure the rest of the day went by without any major events, aside from the normal nap-time issues...

its funny how you can sit back and reflect on the past.. how different life is now from what it was 4 years ago. i mean, who would have thought that i would be living in NY, alone, raising 3 gorgeous babies, married to the man i was madly in love with.. i never in a million years would have guessed or even dreamt i would be right where i sit now. holding down a home, raising OUR children, waiting for my husband to return. hanging on every phone call. every car that pulls up in front of our house that is unknown makes your heart stop for a second. the 5 min, 3 am phone calls that keep you going, yet tear you to pieces at the same time. sleeping with a computer on the side of your bed and a cell phone on the pillow where my husband once slept. all these things that have occured and are going to continue to occur for the next 11 months. its almost like a fairy tale & nightmare all wrapped into one.

the friends you once had now seem so distant.. to think that at some point those so called friends where such a big influence. you once had too many to count on both hands and now, you have 5, if that, that deserve the title of FRIEND. i would consider them more FAMILY. the ones who sit on the phone with you until the wee hours of the morning, regardless of what their schedule is the next day, becuase they feel your pain and would do anything to give you a split second of peace. those that call or text or email you randomly through out the day with the goofiest things they can think of because they know you could use a smile or a laugh. you may not speak to them for days, weeks or even months! but when the time arrises that you need them they are there with open arms, ears & a box of tissue... never missing a beat, never passing judgments, and never blaming you...

now how my new life and my friends come together into one?? well, it took a while for me to understand people & myself. for me to be able to recognize what a true friend was, what family was & in all that realization is how i came to find my husband. the man that had been my friend for years. had been there when i needed a random txt msg, a shoulder to punch (bitch & complain) or even just a friendly voice. and through all those years of friendship grew an amazing sense of closeness & well, i fell in love. fell in love with his heart, his laughter & voice, his sense of loyalty, his cockyness (and if you know him im sure you know EXACTLY what im talking about), his drive & motivation, his sense of what family was & what it means to him, so much more i could go on and on...

and now here i sit, staring at a wall that ties the 2 together. looking at photos, taken by an amazing new family memeber, of my little family. the husband i miss soo badly, the son that makes me feel soo much better with just one hug becasue he always seems to recognize when i need one, the daughter that makes me laugh so hard im in tears & my baby girl that is coming into her own with every day that passes. they are my motivation. my inspiration to get out of bed even when the long sleepless lonely nights seem never ending & the mornings seem so bleak. my true friends give me the courage to be strong & remind me that i am a strong woman! i am a strong mother! i am a strong wife! so i will continue to sit here & grow stronger with every day that passes. staring at the wall that reminds me why i am here & why my husband is where he is. becuase of OUR FAMILY! <3

the Catlin family...