time for reflection

today was just another typical Saturday. kids woke by 715, only unlike yesterday i awoke to C.J. busting down my door yelling "mom!! mom!! help!! Kalayah is stuck in her bed". so whats a mom to do? bolt out of bed and as im rounding the corner into their room, what do i do? bump into Kalayah herself!! now how or what he was talking about i have no idea, all i could do was imagine what the rest of the day would be like... much to my pleasure the rest of the day went by without any major events, aside from the normal nap-time issues...

its funny how you can sit back and reflect on the past.. how different life is now from what it was 4 years ago. i mean, who would have thought that i would be living in NY, alone, raising 3 gorgeous babies, married to the man i was madly in love with.. i never in a million years would have guessed or even dreamt i would be right where i sit now. holding down a home, raising OUR children, waiting for my husband to return. hanging on every phone call. every car that pulls up in front of our house that is unknown makes your heart stop for a second. the 5 min, 3 am phone calls that keep you going, yet tear you to pieces at the same time. sleeping with a computer on the side of your bed and a cell phone on the pillow where my husband once slept. all these things that have occured and are going to continue to occur for the next 11 months. its almost like a fairy tale & nightmare all wrapped into one.

the friends you once had now seem so distant.. to think that at some point those so called friends where such a big influence. you once had too many to count on both hands and now, you have 5, if that, that deserve the title of FRIEND. i would consider them more FAMILY. the ones who sit on the phone with you until the wee hours of the morning, regardless of what their schedule is the next day, becuase they feel your pain and would do anything to give you a split second of peace. those that call or text or email you randomly through out the day with the goofiest things they can think of because they know you could use a smile or a laugh. you may not speak to them for days, weeks or even months! but when the time arrises that you need them they are there with open arms, ears & a box of tissue... never missing a beat, never passing judgments, and never blaming you...

now how my new life and my friends come together into one?? well, it took a while for me to understand people & myself. for me to be able to recognize what a true friend was, what family was & in all that realization is how i came to find my husband. the man that had been my friend for years. had been there when i needed a random txt msg, a shoulder to punch (bitch & complain) or even just a friendly voice. and through all those years of friendship grew an amazing sense of closeness & well, i fell in love. fell in love with his heart, his laughter & voice, his sense of loyalty, his cockyness (and if you know him im sure you know EXACTLY what im talking about), his drive & motivation, his sense of what family was & what it means to him, so much more i could go on and on...

and now here i sit, staring at a wall that ties the 2 together. looking at photos, taken by an amazing new family memeber, of my little family. the husband i miss soo badly, the son that makes me feel soo much better with just one hug becasue he always seems to recognize when i need one, the daughter that makes me laugh so hard im in tears & my baby girl that is coming into her own with every day that passes. they are my motivation. my inspiration to get out of bed even when the long sleepless lonely nights seem never ending & the mornings seem so bleak. my true friends give me the courage to be strong & remind me that i am a strong woman! i am a strong mother! i am a strong wife! so i will continue to sit here & grow stronger with every day that passes. staring at the wall that reminds me why i am here & why my husband is where he is. becuase of OUR FAMILY! <3

the Catlin family...

Go Green or Go Home

well, today started out as any other normal day in the Catlin household. kids up by 7am, turned on cartoons in there room until about 10 min later there was a yell & scream & into the room they came at full speed, waking up the baby. of course that ment mommy had to actually get out of bed, laying there wasn't gonna cut it anymore. upon waking up i found that my toilet was clogged! awsome way to start the day right? so, me being me, i decided i would try to fix it myself only to realize that i needed the one thing we had talked about buying for ever... a plunger! so here we go, off to WalMart by 830 am. now you would think im crazy, but with 3 kids in tow, it was actually the best thing i could've come up with. i needed a few extra things from there so why not take advantage? i managed to get everything we needed and out of the store within 30 min, without any meltdowns... success!! once home i decided to give it a try, needless to say that was NOT a success... thank god for maintanence! fixed within 20 min :) yay! onto the next mission for the day...

the title for today is Go Green or Go Home! why you might ask? well thats because it was the title to my sons school parade today. the girls and i went, even though they only got to nap for 1 hr. of course my son being who he is, had to be the center of attention when it all started. he was picked to ride a scooter in the parade with his school made hat. now mind you it was VERY windy today, when he came out of the gym his hat flew off & he decided to run with it. on his scooter he started yelling, WHOA! THE WIND IS BLOWING ME AWAY!! as he rode through the grass. of course no other child seemed to be having the same problem. all i could do was sit & laugh & think to myself, only my kid! funny thing is, all the other parents busted up laughing too :) this event triggered my next adventure for the day...

of course we also experienced the normalicies of a typical day. for example, nap time crying & Kalayah sleeping in her brothers bed instead of her own. the daily sibling rivalry, over EVERYTHING! its the story of my life. then there are the plus sides of it, the hugs, kisses, smiles & all around love for each other in the end. of course the day wouldn't be complete without the i miss daddy moments. the ones that break my heart. like WalMart's "mom i wish Erick was here" or the crying episode at school during the Lawn Party becuase he wanted him there too... those moments are the hardest parts of the day. trying to hold back the tears as i comfort my sons tears. laughing & smiling as my heart is breaking inside. and when everyone else asks if everything is ok, i lie and see things are perfect...  the price we pay for the family we love. and yes, i pay a price, but it is a very small price compared to that of my husband or even my son. in the end, i know that everything will turn out ok & the boys (both) will be ok. we are a strong family and my boys are tough and what hurts you only makes you stronger... or atleast thats what i tell myself.

11 more months

where to begin... its been quite an adventure since daddy left a little over a month ago. he is deployed to Afghanistan for 12 months and we have been "left behind". the kids have began to get used to the idea that daddy isn't coming home, sadly, mommy hasn't quiet gotten to that point. its been difficult not having someone to share the ups & downs with. my partner in crime. my passion. my other half. not being able to pickup the phone or send a text to share what one of the kids has done or said.. and trust me, with 3 kids under 5 there is ALWAYS something going on. i figured this would be a good idea, a way for me to share what has been going on & how i'm feeling..

so much has changed in the past 30 days that he has been away... kids have seemed to grow so much. C.J. became a 3 striped yellow belt in Taekwondo, Kalayah began making half sentences & sleeping in a toddler bed & our baby girl, Kali began to get up on her knees to crawl. they have gotten used to the way things work around here, from waking up in the morning & climbing into bed to relax and watch cartoons with me, to how things work when we are on the move. they surprise me each day with their shenanigans...

i decided that each day i would put their adventures into words, not just theirs but mine as well. my adventures as a "solo mommy of 3" until daddy returns to us. he may not be able to read these right away, as his time is limited and most of it is spent on the phone with us. my hope is that at some point he be able to read what i have written and help him feel as close to us as i feel to him as i write this....

we love you & miss you daddy...